Dad Jokes

What did one snowman say to the other snow man? Do you smell carrot?

"I'm sorry." "Hi sorry, I'm dad"

I'd like to start a diet, but I've got too much on my plate right now.

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off? It reads “Small medium at large.”

My boss told me to have a good day... so I went home.

Why was it called the dark ages? Because of all the knights.

I was going to learn how to juggle, but I didn't have the balls.

If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?

Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, “man, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, “WHOA, a talking muffin!”

What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.